Part 19: Things we never meant…

Nanheji!

A pin drop silence followed the word.

‘Isn’t it?’ Khushi looked around ecstatically. Finally some one she remembered on her own…some one whom she did not meet as a stranger.

‘Of course,’ Nk muttered, shocked and speechless for a moment. Of all the people, Khushi remembered him. He could have jumped up in jubilation…but one look at the face behind her stopped him in his tracks and all he could say was a softly uttered acknowledgment, as if trying to soften the blow to the man standing at the doorway.

Her happiness dipped slightly at the shocked faces around her. Was she wrong? How did she remember Nanheji when she had not known her husband, her sister, her parents?

Khushi was surprised herself – surprised and happy. Since the fateful day when Arnavji had come to Sheesh Mahal, her mind had started shaking off its lethargy, and in its place flooded in confused sensations, emotions that she could not explain, images that were becoming sharper by the day.

And now, after nearly a week at Shantivan, Khushi often felt that she knew the people around her, her long forgotten family; that they were not strangers any more, slowly they were peopling her mind with the lost bits of memory that would surface now and then. There were brief flashes, sense of déjà vu, moments when she felt she knew her surroundings; images would flash in her mind before dissolving into dark clouds of nothingness.

But the contours of memory were becoming sharper  – like the images that had rushed through her when she had stepped in their room, and then the nightmare when she had seen and heard that fiend Shyam so clearly for the first time.

And now for the first time, she had known, known something with a certainty she had not felt for over an year.  This was not a hazy memory, a tentative groping in the dark where truth would often slip from her fingers leaving behind the cloudy images that she could not decipher without help. For the first time in a year her mind and memories seemed to be working in tandem. This time, as she soon she had heard the voice, she had known the newcomer in Shantivan – she had known that the man standing at the center of the drawing room was her friend and she called him Nanheji.

Probably it was because NK had always been her friend, because they were kindred souls who recognized each other. Or it might have been the culmination of the process that Arnav’s presence had initiated at Sheesh Mahal – that of awakening her mind which now grasped on to the new stimulus and surged ahead on the path to recovery.

But the crux of it all was that that evening, after her fight with her husband who had refused to help her in her recovery of her past, she had recognized and found a friend. And she could not help but be happy.

‘Oh my god, Khushiji,’ Anjili was the first to recover. ‘If we had known you would know NK bhai, we would have imported him from Australia the very next day.’ She came towards Khushi, willfully avoiding the face of her younger brother. The need of the girl was greater, but she could give Chottey some time to recover. She had seen tension writ on his face when he entered. What had the doctor said?  And now, Khushi knew NK. What a blow it would be for her brother.

Anjili put her arm around Khushi drawing her in. Everyone recovered soon enough, wanting to know what Khushi remembered. That Khushi did not remember her, did not trouble Payal much. She was happy that her sister was coming back. Soon enough she was going to recover and then…Payal thought affectionately….and then she was going to be the elder sister and scold her foolish sister for all that she had done for her.

Even little Aditi could sense the change in the atmosphere of her home, her gurgles of laughter drew everyone. And once again as NK joked, with Payal, Aakash, even Khushi adding a quip or two, the drawing room of Raizada house came alive with laughter and fun. Mamiji sat pouting in mock anger, firmly insisting that a daughter in law’s first duty was to remember her mother-in-law. What else did phatti saree remember?

But there was not much. Just that she knew Nanheji as a friend…there was a feeling of clear and pure happiness that he brought along. And  after the frustrations of the day, Khushi appreciated that even more. Now that her mind had awakened slightly there was something to look forward to. Forgetting her anxieties and anger, she threw herself in the moment and beamed at the people around her.

 With happiness returned the generosity of spirit. Her eyes sought her husband. In her excitement, she wanted to put things right.  Despite all her problems with him, Arnav was the first person with whom she could think of sharing her happiness with. She knew  she had hurt him and wanted to take it away, soothe the pain, here and now, and see him smile, like he often did when she talked to him. Her heart beat with eagerness. Where was that grim taciturn man.  Where was Arnavji?

It was only when everyone had settled down in the drawing room that Anjili turned to look at her silent brother. He had not uttered a single word since he had stepped in the house. Yet one only had to look into his eyes to see the storm raging inside him. Slowly she withdrew from the happy group and clutched Chottey’s hand, drawing him towards her room.

She seated him on her bed and drew his hands in hers. ‘What happened? Tell me, Chottey?’

He shook his head, once again stiff, holding himself together.

‘So, you will now hide things again. Remember what we promised after….after what that man did to us? You promised never to hide anything from me. Are you going to break that promise to your Di, Chottey.’

‘Di, she …she remembers him.’ the words burst from him.

Everything had taken a backseat. Her anger, his guilt, the fight. All faded the moment they had stepped in the house….nothing mattered to him at the moment but the fact that she remembered NK, accepted him at once without any reservations while he was still trying.

‘Yes, she does. He was the only one who stood by her when you were gone.’ Anjili tried to point out the facts.  ‘And we were all so blind, back then.’ What was it that was troubling him? He looked so defeated….so unlike her Chottey …and Anjili did not like it one bit. ‘What is it? Don’t you want her to remember?’

Arnav shrugged. They sat in silence as Anjili waited for him to talk further.  She heaved a sigh of relief at the next words.

‘You remember, Di. Once Nani and you thought that NK would be a perfect match for Khushi.’

Anjili smiled. So he was jealous.

‘Yes. Don’t you think so?’

‘Di…’

Anjili laughed. ‘What? You know we didn’t mean that. We were trying to judge how you felt. You knew that, didn’t you?’

Arnav shook his head.  ‘Of course, we were. We knew, Khushiji and you had eyes for each other only. Nanheji was always her friend.’

‘But..Di…do you…do you think she would be better off with him?’  He remembered her words in the car. ‘I would have preferred some who made me more comfortable. Some whom I could trust.Some one who cared.’

‘May be. But I think she would be happier with you…’ Di was biased. ‘By the way, NK bhai told us that you wrote to him…you did that for Khushiji, didn’t you? Look, you have already made her happy.’

Arnav looked at her sister skeptically.

‘Don’t look at me like that. I know Chottey,’ she sighed. ‘I know you have made mistakes in the past . But only you can set them right. Only you can give her that happiness …because she loves you. I have seen it in her eyes. Even now. She loves you, and not NK.’

Hum apne pati se bahut pyaar karte hain.

 

Yet he said nothing.

‘Have you ever told her…how much you love her?’ Arnav shook his head ‘Then tell her. tell her the truth. Tell her you love her and you are sorry. We can all see it but you need to give her the words.’

‘Would she believe them? If I tell her the truth.’

‘That is up to her. But you cannot withhold it forever. You owe that to her …along with all your love.’

Arnav sat looking at the pattern on the floor…mulishly.  Di did not know the full extent of his foolishness. Her words gave him hope, but he was unconvinced. Did he want to leave it all to her? Would he let her go if she wanted?  According to the contract, they were no longer married. What would he say if she asked to be left alone…just like she had refused to undergo the surgery? He pushed the horrible thought away.

‘You have to fight for her… Otherwise just think…think of the alternative…’ Anjili’s voice faded away.

No.

No, he had to convince her. There was no other alternative.  Arnav stood up finally, drawing himself straight. ‘Let’s go.’ the words made Anjili happy. Her brother was back.  She just hoped she was around next time he faltered.

Arnav looked Khushi and NK as they sat talking on the dining table. He envied them…the untainted minds that refused to think evil…that would rather forget the world than see and think anything evil. Khushi’s amnesia, how he yearned for it…what would he not give to forget everything…that instead of Khushi remembering the past…he too could join her in the land of forgetfulness where there was no past, only future to look forward too.

Khushi felt bad. He was so quiet, despite the return of his cousin and the happy bustle around the house. Nanheji told her that Arnavji had written to him informing him about her return.  And yet he watched them all from afar as if he was unsure if he belonged to the charmed circle of laughter and happiness. Khushi wished she could reach out to him. When he excused himself on pretext of work, Khushi wanted nothing more than to follow him up to the room.

She did that, half an hour later, which was the shortest time that she could manage.  And then, as fast as her injured knee allowed, she rushed to her husband.

Slowly she opened the door. He was standing by the poolside. The light reflected from the pool threw shimmering shadows on his form. Yet they did not hide the hunched shoulders. He was not working. Arnavji was up here, nursing his feelings which she had so carelessly wounded.

The scene from the two days ago flashed in her mind. The day she had made jalebis and Di and Jiji had teased her so mercilessly in the kitchen. She had been disappointed. While everyone had relished the sweets that she had made for the breakfast, Arnavji had only taken a small piece. And then seeing her disappointment, he had taken  another one.

After Akash Jiju and Arnavji had left for office she had turned to Anjili Di. Did Arnavji not like jalebis? Or did he not like the ones she had made?

“Arrey nahi Khushiji.  Woh kya hai, Chottey cannot eat sugar.  He is diabetic. He ate them only because you had made them.”

Khushi remembered how happiness had surged through her veins and she had promised to make sugar free ones for him soon. She never got around it.

And now she had hurt him with her cruel words.

She stepped onto the poolside. His shoulders stiffened. He knew she was here.

‘Are you angry? I am sorry, Arnavji. I…’

‘Its okay, Khushi.’ He interrupted. Her apology brought an immediate response. Somehow he could not bear it when she said sorry, especially when he was carrying a burden of unforgiveable crimes.

‘I did not want to hurt you. Just that it is frustrating…’

‘I said it was okay. You don’t have to apologize for what you think.’

‘No. no…it is not like that. I don’t think…I did not mean….’

‘What?’ he stopped her loudly once again. Khushi flinched at he turned towards her. His eyes glimmering with emotion held tightly under reign; the lines on his forehead etched deeply. ‘What did you not mean? And …and why are you here? Go to your friend…whom ..you…whom you know.’ But even as he asked her to leave, Arnav rushed   towards her and held her by her arms, drawing her close and holding her there. ‘But before that, tell me. …tell me what do I have to do so that you trust me…so that you believe that I care..’

 ‘I don’t know…really. Whenever I try to something or the other happens.’ Khushi looked up at him with honest confusion clouding her face. The intensity of his feelings aroused an answering passion in her.  Passion which took the form of anger. ‘Why don’t you tell me? Why? Why do I feel this something stopping whenever I try to….Why did you marry me…when you thought …when you thought…you thought I had no character?’

Khushi finally spat out the words. Arnav felt his heart drop as the accusation hit him. She remembered …she remembered more that she told him. What all did she remember? Did she believe all that? He had to tell her that it was untrue…that he was wrong.

But why did he find it so difficult to form words. Never had he needed them more…never did he feel so helpless without them.

Yet there was a time when he had dished out cruel lies so easily. They came back to haunt him.

‘You said that,  didn’t you? Don’t deny that? I hear those words in my nightmare…and they are not Shyam’s …they are yours. They are your words. Was it because you were rich? You thought that I was a fallen…’

‘Khushi…’ Arnav stopped her. He could not bear to hear his own words aloud again. They lacerated him. Even in the cloudy recesses of his memories, they left him breathless. They should never be said aloud again. Arnav felt a wave of hysteria bubble up his throat.

‘Look at me, look at me and tell me you did not say them…that you did not say…that I was a shameless… ’

The dam burst.

‘Stop. Stop. Khushi.  I was angry. Please. I was angry. I said things that had no meaning. All those things…you have no idea how I have regretted them,’ How did one undo the effect of words…And Khushi…she had so many to remember…. so many…

He took a step towards her. Khushi immediately took two back. Arnav grew more agitated.

‘Listen to me, Khushi.’ She shook her head in refusal and turned away.

‘Khushi.’ He bellowed. He had to stop her, make her believe him. “I don’t know what you remember…. Khushi, believe me. You have to believe me.’ Arnav felt his breath constricting at the sight of her head turned away from him.

aap chale gaye to humari saansen rukh jayengi.’

The memories flooded him… left him feeling disgusted with himself. How could he see the same disgust in her eyes?  He could do anything…he rushed on.

‘I …I married you because I loved you. Despite everything, Di, Shyam everything. I could not let you go. Khushi. That day on the terrace that is what I came to tell you….that I love you Khushi. I cannot live without you…not anymore….listen to me…believe..’

‘Sach?’  her soft voice stopped the stream of words.

 Words hung in the air between them. Out there at the poolside.

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38 thoughts on “Part 19: Things we never meant…

  1. anamnoor says:

    Amazing update
    I just hope he tells her d whole truth arnav plz dont stop urslf from opening to khushi

  2. fiza says:

    amzing wonderful…
    the truth is so so complicated he alwasy loved her.. but nevr trusted himself herself… the mere word of sach is hell complex here

  3. samarablogwp says:

    wow…this is full packed..
    and then u stop at the crucial point! 🙂
    wow!

  4. aysh0718 says:

    You build & build & build & then…. So I am trying to reason with patience at this point. Fab update

  5. lsavitree says:

    A well wrtten & aewsome update…love it
    so eagerly to read more
    thanks for pm

  6. Hina69 says:

    Wow wow and wow!!

    Just mindblowing vann!

    I am just loving your writing style and the intensity of this story! Its so good that i could feel each n every emotion which a character was feeling while reading!

    Hey u stopped at cliffhanger! Not fair!

    Loved their poolside convo.Really intense n emotional! But arnav told her the half truth again and now she will believe him as he said he married her cos he loved her so when the truth will be out she will be deeply hurt due to his half truth..and I think at that time it would be unbearable for him to see accusations in her eyes!

    M eagerly waiting! Plz post next part soon plz!!!

  7. nadianat29 says:

    Awesome! Just awesome

  8. sonylakhani0 says:

    Really good chapter. Can this get any more complicated or frustrating? However, NK always brings a breath of fresh air with him. Happy he is back. Please show little mercy to our beloved ASR too in next chapter;-)

  9. farheen75 says:

    I am sure like me Arnav’s breath must have stopped hearing Khushi say “sach” in the end, this is Arnav’s another chance to tell Khushi the truth and then hope that she gives him another chance to atone for his crimes.

    U have kept Arnav’s personality so true to his character as he got jealous and angry at Khushi’s response to NK’s arrival and his deep rooted trust issues again started to raise their ugly heads but this time he stands to lose far more than before bcz this time its a different Khushi altogether who is more reserve and apprehensive and a lot less forgiving than before… This Khushi doesn’t have this knack to forgive and forget and please all and sundry so if Arnav lies to her then it will be nearly impossible for him to persuade Khushi to stay with him and give this marriage another chance.

  10. Gia says:

    This update was so classic Arnav. He could not take it when she recognized NK. Glad to see a strong supporting Anjali who always cares for her brother. I wonder how Kushi will react to his confession

  11. arshina223 says:

    Such a beautiful chapter.
    atlast he confessed that he love her.
    I want more.
    please update soon.

  12. mklam says:

    Words are important and finally Arnav is opening up to his Khushi. The bout of jealousy helped when NK showed up – perhaps the catalyst to force A to take the next step! Intense story, well written.

  13. hsridhar says:

    very nice. finally he confessed that he loved Khushi and she heard it too. Hope it will get better for Khushi now knowing that her husband loved her.

  14. susant2013 says:

    U write beautifully. What play of emotions! I was literally in RM while reading this.

  15. sfghfj says:

    Awesome update. arnav confessed khushi he loved her. Waiting to read further

  16. StripePurple says:

    What goes around comes around. Once, it had been her begging him to stop and turn around, believe in her, stay with her. And today, it is him in her place. The irony of fate.

    This was a very intense chapter, and so many things I would like to talk about. NK’s generosity of spirit, the kind which makes him and Khushi so similar – suppressing his own joy because he understands the pain of his cousin. Khushi’s joy at finding her friend, and some semblance of her lost identity, and her instant need to share it with Arnav. That part was so well-done. Even in the show, we had those little moments when Khushi made Arnav laugh or smile, which in turn gave her joy. Arnav does the same, except his sufferings have intensified his already possessive nature, and he now wants her smiles for himself. Her love is inclusive, his is exclusive. One of the central conflicts in their love story. Beautifully brought out here.

    Anjali again plays a pivotal role. She urges him to give her the words, and his insecurity makes him do the rest. Again you have ended the chapter with a very ironic question’ “Sach?”. He has told her the truth, and yet he hasn’t, not completely. So many different truths to unfold and confess. Very well-written.

  17. arunascarlet says:

    really emotional update …………………….. Finally he said it to her.

  18. lovebarun says:

    finally the truth is out.. very good update.. your writing really amazes me. it is very emotional… keep writing

  19. thinkggreen says:

    Hi
    Nice story line……
    The talk between Arnav and Payal is nice.Arnav speaking about he insecurities and Payal understanding his love and pain but still not allowing
    herself to forget the damage he has caused to Kushi.
    Kushi remembering Nk is outstanding,that shocked family and Arnav .
    Well but then he was the only soul that believed her and helped her.
    Kushi relieved that she could at least remember one person and Nk not expecting her to remember him and going forward to introduce himself is beautiful written unlike others characters .The 18 chapter is so correctly named just as Nk is……
    Anjali’s chat with Arnav is touchy,she understanding the pain that Arnav is going through and consoling him and appreciating his effort to bring Nk .
    Hope Arnav tells her that complete truth and gives her a chance to decide unlike always……
    Kushi fighting a battle in herself,she cant see him hurt and at the same time something holding her to accept him wholeheartedly.
    OH my God you have left us in a cliffhanger…
    cant wait to read the next update ….update soon..
    Thanks for the coded Bloglink…..

  20. Anamika says:

    Amazing and emotional part. Truth is out finally. Can’t wait to see how things are going to move forward between them. Thanks 🙂

  21. Revathy Pandiarajan says:

    I read all the parts in one go today its awesome I feel bad for arnav your writing is very intense I like to read further plus pm me when you update next part

  22. jabb12 says:

    Absolutely wonderful update & so happy that Arnav has confessed his love.

  23. dmgview says:

    finally Arnav starts talking… hope he says the truth..

  24. akaps123 says:

    Did he just confessed his love for her?? Enjoyed reading.

  25. samreen1 says:

    Awesome update
    Plz arnav this time dont run away from your feelings..tell her the truth.

  26. adhiti says:

    I loved this chapter. I enjoyed it a lot. Arnav’s talk with Anjali, NK acknowledging Arnav’s shock, Kushi’s talk with Arnav and the last two lines were my favourite!!!

    I’m waiting for next update. When can you update????

  27. Michealle says:

    Just superb!!

  28. Sangs49 says:

    Superb update! And ‘sach’ was the killer (Mardala) . I am all set for this wonderful roller-coaster ride with my seat belts secure tight!
    Waiting for next update

  29. aayt says:

    everything he did in the past getting back with same intensity
    that was big slap on his face out of all people she remembered NK
    his insecurities led him think worse always
    loved it

  30. amus5 says:

    another painful update….but the pain can never be avoided when so much water has flown under the bridge…

    thanx for the update……pls continue soon 🙂

    amus5(IF)

  31. piyasahay says:

    Oh god it is so well written……. Rd d last 3 updates together….. Plz continue soon…, will b waiting.

    If name – piyaaich

  32. javeria3991 says:

    Superb update.
    Read the last two updates. Khushi has forgotten her past but her conscious still got some part active which give Khushi vibes to stay away from arnav and that she don’t belong to his world even tough now arnav wants that desperately.
    For Khushi arnav wrote and called NK back, that NK from whom arnav always got irritated of his close friendship with Khushi or whenever he made Khushi laugh in his jokes and poor Hindi. He was a true friend who stood with Khushi when their was no one with her that’s why Khushi instantly remember him. Moreover Khushi is now on her way to remember many experience with arnav that were mainly full of hate and indifference. And if Khushi remember every thing of her past she might leave arnav which is not in favour for Khushi. Anjali is write that if arnav want to decrease the chances of Khushi leaving him he should confess his love soon and convince to make her believe and trust him.
    The updates were beautifully written.
    Update soon

  33. meenu10 says:

    oye yaar u left us in between…………..

    tht was the wonderful part………..soo khushi has seen some more of her past tht she didn’t shared with arnav……..and arnav’s nightmare are indeed coming true….it will be tuff for him to face khushi whenever she got to remember anything tht he said on her own……..soo it will be better for him to clear all his doings before khusi came asking for one or another of his words or his doings……….

    loved it dear………
    u r just awesome writer……..
    plzz continue soon…..

  34. rini_kat frm IF says:

    Amazing update

  35. savy.fernis says:

    Amazingly written

  36. shafqee80 says:

    After a lonnnnggg wait der z an update ….i would be really happy if der z a way like a pm or email notifying about d update ……story is moving tooo good

  37. emotional update poor arnav khushi remember nk but not him and it hurts more because he always thought khushi belonged with nk love that she is forcing him to tell the truth and loving the confession you stopped at a wrong place amazing update

  38. That was an awesome chapter…. I have no words to describe what I’m feeling right now…. Fantastic display of emotions n feelings!

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